Domino Kirke says Penn Badgley’s sex-scene decision was entirely his own, despite years of messages suggesting she imposed the boundary. The internet, apparently unwilling to let a three-year-old personal choice rest, has continued asking whether she pushed her husband to stop filming intimate scenes.
In a September 28 Instagram video, Kirke said she still receives direct messages about Badgley deciding that he no longer wanted to perform simulated sex, kiss co-stars or take part in similar scenes.
“He didn’t want to do any of that, which was really major in his industry,” she said.
Why Domino Kirke supported the boundary
Kirke, 42, said she felt happy for Badgley and proud that he had made a difficult professional choice for himself. She described the decision as “relational hygiene,” a principle she also tries to apply in her work as a doula.
The couple share a 6-year-old son and 12-month-old twins. Kirke also has a teenage son, Cassius, with her former partner Morgan O’Kane.
She also objected to being treated solely as an accessory to her husband’s career.
“I’m not just Penn Badgley’s wife,” Kirke said, adding that her work involves helping people make significant choices about their lives and careers.
Her message to those still blaming her for the boundary was less elaborate: “Get over it.” She said Badgley made the choice for himself and his mental health, which does rather weaken the theory that a secret marital decree was involved.
What Penn Badgley said about intimate scenes
Badgley first drew attention to the issue in 2023, when he discussed reducing intimate scenes on the Netflix series You. He cited his marriage as one factor, saying fidelity was important to him.
“If you have a partner,” he said during an appearance on Andy Cohen Live, “and you wanna be with your partner and you have to do this with another person, frankly, for me, it’s just not my desire.”
He later explained that his discomfort was not limited to his relationship. Badgley also questioned the artificial way screen intimacy is often choreographed, arguing that such scenes can leave little room for realistic human behavior.
“It’s just not the way sex happens, the falling against the wall and grasping at each other’s clothes, all this stuff,” he told The Guardian in 2025. “There’s no time for condoms, there’s no time for conversation. There’s no time for awkwardness, for real connection.”
Why You still included sex scenes
Badgley’s position was never completely inflexible. During the fifth and final season of You, his character Joe Goldberg still appeared in intimate scenes when the story required them.
The actor said he had to set aside his preferred limit because those moments remained part of the series he and the rest of the cast had agreed to make. His aim, he explained, was to keep them to a minimum rather than impose an absolute ban.
“If it’s necessary, that’s the show we all signed up to make,” Badgley told People. “So, let’s make sure it’s vital, let’s make sure it’s important, it’s deliberate. And we did.”
That distinction matters. Badgley asked for fewer intimate scenes and wanted any that remained to serve the story. Kirke supported him, but says she did not make the decision for him. Three years later, she would quite like strangers to stop assigning her the role of off-screen intimacy supervisor.
